Journey Home

Part of my personal journey is learning to be present in the now.  I have lived with patterns of staying stuck in the past, or living for the future.  I have missed out in the present.  That is a pattern that has led to some dysregulation in my nervous system ~ insomnia, anxiety, depression and fear at the core of it all!  Today, I can honestly tell you that I am learning a new way to experience life.  It is liberating, adventurous, and is stretching me out of my comfort zone.  You see, when I live in the past or the future, I do not have to look at today.  Today might be hard ~ I might lose, be hurt, feel inadequate, or fail at something that matters deeply.  However, if I dont step out of fear, then I cannot learn from suffering and cannot see the beauty in all life has to offer.  Yoga has helped me see this ~ it helps me calm my mind so I can be present ~ here and now.

Life, with this new view, is so rewarding!  I am able to see my dreams come true through setting intentions and taking steps toward that vision.   I honestly fall into the old patterns of negative thoughts or behavior regularly, however I have decided to be curious and learn more about myself in that.  It is far more helpful to learn more about myself,  so I  can change if I need to, then stay stuck in shame, regret, and defeat.  This brings up expectations, perfectionism, and assumptions that have often kept me stuck in negativity too.  What if life is just life?  What if I am not in control of everything and everyone around me, yet can love and accept that?  When I surrender to this idea, I have noticed a release from stress and worry.  I have come to understand that every experience in my life ~ good, tragic, joy-filled, and painful have taught me something that I needed to learn.  It releases me from living in emotional, physical and spiritual chaos.

So back to the idea of home~ what is home?  Is it a place, a feeling, an ideal?  I have been contemplating this for a couple of months now.  My intuitive, subconscious mind keeps bringing this idea into my thoughts.  I trust that there is something to learn and experience in this.  I have found that accepting myself and showing up authentically is a core value that really matters.  So, home is a sticky issue for me.  I grew up with instability in this regard.  I always had a place to live, however we moved often or I stayed with my grandparents or aunt and uncle for some years too.  This led to insecurity deep inside, I started to have fear about when or where I would be next.  Later in my life, I prioritized the importance of marriage and security.  Guess what, those priorities did not relieve my insecurity.  It goes back to accepting life as it is, people for who they are, and unconditional love despite circumstances.  

Home reminds me of my grandmother’s welcome, her soft scent of Dove soap and generous hospitality that she offered unconditionally.  Home is resting my head and feeling comfortable.  Home is honesty without consequences or abandonment.  Home is feeling accepted even when I blow it.  Home is letting go of anything that holds me captive ~ thoughts, ideas, attitudes or expectations.  Home is love, belonging, safety, and it is God-given.  We each have this inside, all we have to do is find it.  It is a journey home … I will keep putting my foot forward in the present… for this is where I ought to be.

 My intention at Living Simply Well is to create a sanctuary for our community ~ a home for you and me.  A safe place to discover yourself, express yourself, and feel supported by people who have a deep commitment to the same.  Blessings to you as you walk on your path, trusting that we are all right where we ought to be!

Living Simply Well,

Angie